I hate myself...

To be honest, I'm really not satisfied with myself.
I suck at studies, I don't know how to talk, I'm a coward and so on.

Trial's coming.
I wanted to study.
I know I have to study.
But I just don't have the will and motivation to do it.
I'm always easily distracted by other things.

My friend is unhappy.
I want to help.
But I don't know how.
I don't know how to talk.
I don't know how to comfort people.
I don't know how to make people smile, laugh.

The worst part of me is I'm a coward.
She's just there.
Standing just 2 feet away from me.
Yet I don't have the freaking gut to talk to her.
She's not alone, she's with her friends.
But they're all human beings, so am I.
So why scare to start the conversation?
I don't know.
I just let this chance slipped away...
I'm the stupidest person in this world.

What's wrong with me anyway?
I hate myself.
Serious HATE myself...

Lonely

I feel so different tonight.
Unusually lonely.

This is the time I hate the most throughout the year.
The exam period.
Everyone's focusing on their studies.
I know I should do so as well.
But we still need to relax.
Or maybe I'm way too relax.
I seriously need to focus, concentrate...
It just seems so hard to me.

I feel as though some of my friends are further away from me.
Or maybe, we were NEVER friends to begin with.
It's always just me.
The naive little kid.
Be friends through FaceBook?
Duh, is it even possible?
It doesn't seem like it to me.
Time flies.
But the time inside me just seem to stop.
It stopped at the stage "Naive little kid".

I'm always on my own.
I do everything alone.
Maybe I should follow Stark's method.
Split myself into 2.
Then I wouldn't be bored.
There will always be someone there for me.
That would be me, in a separate body.

I miss her.
Although I saw her this morning, but I didn't get a chance to talk to her.
Wait, what for if there's a chance?
I'm just a coward that doesn't even dare to talk to her.
Still, I wanted to talk to her.
I really do miss her...

Trial coming~

OMG~
Trial exam is on the way...
"Eh trial, you're going the wrong way... Not here, go other place" XD
Ok, that's just lame.
As usual, things that I say is quite lame, haha.

I've decided to start studying on Monday.
But then, there's still lots of homework I have to do.
Ended up until now I've only studied until Chapter 2 of Form 4 Chemistry.
I wonder when will I be able to study everything before the trial exam...

Actually there's nothing much to update.
Everyday is just as usual.

Just a few days I didn't see her.
Today I purposely stayed a bit longer to see her.
But I still don't have the courage to talk to her face to face.
What the hell is wrong with me?
We're all human beings.
Just that she's with her friends, I'm alone.
So?
Damn, hate this part of me.
I'm such a failure...

Boring~

Well, as the title have said, it's boring.
I've nothing to do.
So just come here and update my blog which no one will ever read it.

Blogging, it's quite a nice thing to do.
I have things to say, blog is there to listen.
I don't have to worry that I'll say something inappropriate.
Also, there's no need to worry that I'll ever disturb anyone.
Isn't it great?
Whoever that create blogs, thank you.

This coming Friday is Hari Kantin.
This is a day that allow us to sell food and drinks to earn profit for the club.
This is the first year that I participate and manage the stall.
This is also the final year that I can enjoy this in this school.
Our plan was to plan everything through, then dump the jobs to lower forms.
We'll just supervise them.
Then we'll have more time studying (hell if this is happening).
But then, now I feel like it's a mistake.
It's so hard to discuss things with them.
It would've been a lot easier if I had handle it alone.
Sure hope we can make it in time.

It's also because of this event, that I found my interest.
I like planning and managing events or something else.
It just makes me look so cool.
So probably I'll be studying something related to management.
I'm still not too sure about that.
But at least I have a slightest clue of what I like.
Better than last time, don't know anything at all.
So, most likely I'll be pursuing in this direction.

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Saw you today.
I wonder if you see me.
But it's alright.
It's fine with me if people around me is happy...
Especially you.

To You

I'm really happy that I could chat with you the past few days.
Not many people are willing to do that.

But these few days, I've felt unusually lonely.
No one wishes to even talk with me.
I feel so insignificant, so unneeded.
You told me not to think too much.
I tried, but I can't help it.
Perhaps I really have overdid it.
I should find other ways to deal with my loneliness, instead of troubling friends.
I used to think that that's what friends are for...
To accompany when loneliness finds me.
But I guess I misunderstood the meaning of 'friends'.
That's not what they're for.
Or perhaps I trust people too easily.
I thought interaction between 2 people can become friends.
I was being naive.
No matter how you put it, humans still have a limit.

I wish to take this opportunity to apologize.
I have no one else to blame.
It's my fault.
I'm sorry...