Confused

I'm kinda confused now.
I don't know what is this feeling.
I just feel that she'll be a good friend.
I want her to be one of my good friend.
I'm quite sure that I haven't reach the 'like her' state.
But when I see 'YYY 寫給 XXX 的情書相當精彩，值得一看'.
I feel a bit sad and jealous.
It's just a random sentence generated from a stupid application.
I knew it's fake.
But why?
Why is this feeling coming to me?

Untitled 7

1st day I bring my new phone to school...
Something happened.
This is the bad thing about touchscreen phones.
The surface is too smooth, no friction at all.
It slipped out of my pocket =.=
Thanked god is in teacher's car, not a taxi.
Must be careful next time.

Suddenly feel like organizing a trip to either SG or KL science center.
Yesterday had a sleepless night.
Don't know what to do.
Suddenly had this idea.
I think is kinda cool.
It'll be better if she's going.
I don't think we'll be doing any learning during the trip.
But I think it's a good chance to hang out with friends for the whole day.

I feel so helpless.
My friend is facing some problems.
I wanted to help.
But I can't.
Being less experienced, I have no right to give advice.
Furthermore, our friendship was not very good since the beginning.
Suddenly giving advice would be odd.
Like a busybody.
I really don't know what to do.
I want to help, but I'm so powerless.

Birthday Celebration

Don't know why so many people's birthday is on March.
Seriously many of them.
Maybe just from my point of view.

Yesterday I saw some of the photos.
They were having a birthday party.
They had a delicious-looking cake.
Wow...
They seem to have so much fun.

Tomorrow I'm going to celebrate Goh's birthday at Redbox.
Maybe Sui Sin's birthday as well.
I bet it's gonna be a blast.
For them, at least.

I envy them so much.
Having friends celebrating their birthday for them.
I thought this year my friends might celebrate mine for me.
This is the last year we study in the same school.
It'll be hard to meet all of them again in the future.
So maybe they'll celebrate for me.
At least a small celebration.
But I'm just so damn unlucky.
Open day fell on my birthday.
I asked them out...
They say they wouldn't have the mood to celebrate after seeing their results.
Or, after their parents see their results, they'll be forbidden to go out.
And so I celebrate it myself.
Eat McDonald and walk home.
And my 17th birthday end just like that.
Well, at least got a piggy bank.
Still quite happy, but lonely.

Next year...
I wish some of them would remember my birthday.
Preferably celebrate it for me.
I hope you can be there.
Whether or not you read my blog, I just want you to know...
I wish you can be there.

Holiday...

My holiday is indeed amazing.
Badminton, badminton and more badminton.
That's what I've planned to do.
As you know, things doesn't always go according to plans.

Most of my friends have tuition.
Because this is THE year.
So they're very hardworking, go tuition.
Like JH, very hardworking.
7 days a week, all tuition.
Let's give him an award.

Some say they want to play basketball.
That's understandable.
I'm the only badminton addict here.
I'm the only one that wants to play badminton everyday.

Come to think of it, I'm supposed to be very busy during this holiday.
Lots of homework.
ULBS, Accounts, Chemistry, Club's stuff.
Well, the most important one, ULBS should be done first.
But I don't feel like it.
I've done accounts, now I feel like doing my club's stuff.
I'm strange right?
Haha.
Maybe it's because I've helped to create this club.
That's why I have this special attachment to the club.
That's why I want to see it successful.

Badminton~

Once again, went for badminton.
Haha...
I'm just a badminton addict.

Now I know how suck I really am in singles match.
I won all doubles match, and lost all singles match.
Isn't that cool?
I teamed with Ben Chia today.
Fought against Stef and Sihao and won 21-13, 21-9.
Won Ah Xian and Chin 21-17, 21-4.
They weren't really playing seriously during the 2nd set.
As for singles, fought against Ah Xian and lost 17-21, 21-19, 19-21.
Made too many mistakes during the 1st and 3rd set.
Haiz...

Ah Xian cannot be underestimated...
This fellow damn pro.

Deep Thinker...

I've done many personality tests.
All the results are quite similar.
'Capricorn is a deep thinker.'
At the first sight...
Damn, that made me so cool.
That made me look so mature.
But I've realized that it's not always such a good thing to think.
Sometimes you'll start thinking something that you're not suppose to think too much.

I'm just that kind of person.
Think too much.
Something that is not suppose to think, I've thought about it too.
That made my life miserable.
I thought about people's reaction towards my action.
And most of the time, bad thoughts came out.
But the worst of all, those bad thoughts came true.

Lately I've thought about my recent actions.
Well, I have no one to blame but myself.
I'm not good with words.
Sometimes I say things that I'm not suppose to say.
I make fun of things, thinking that it's funny and should be able to make people laugh and happy.
But I never thought of other people's feelings.
I've offended quite some people because of that.
It's hard to save that friendship cause people just hate me so much.
I've slowly accepted this fact.
The fact that they're much happier when I don't exist in their lives.
I don't blame them.
As I've always said...
I make people happy even if I have to be the only one that is suffering.
I just want people around me to be happy.
I don't say that I'm very noble.
It's just that's what I like to do.

I have a lot of things that I wish to share with people.
There are also a lot of bad memories that I wish people could listen.
But that only make everyone unhappy.
Telling her these stuffs might let her know more about me.
But letting her know all the bad things I've thought about, I've done...
I rather have her treat me like a stranger.

I always think that I'm different from others.
I don't know whether is that true.
Does it make me special or strange?

My blog has many apologizing post.
Guess it doesn't harm to have another one.
I wish to apologize to everyone for everything I've said or I've done.
Hope all of you can forgive and kindly remind me if I ever make the same mistakes again unintentionally.
I'm sorry.

Exam Is Coming...

Once again... exam is coming.
Still not in the mood to study.
Haha...

My aunt came to my house from Canada for the weekend.
As the host, you can't expect me to do my own things and leave the guest like that.
Although I'm not the one being her tour guide.
So I have no choice but to follow her and my parents around.
JB doesn't have any nice places for tourist.
So we just bring her around trying local food.
And there goes my weekend.

I planned start studying tomorrow.
Study and only study.
Ok, maybe FB a while.
But still, no games, all study.
Then Miss Wong smsed me.
'As the manager, it's only appropriate to stay back and look after the lower secondary team.'
No choice but to stay back.
Why am I being chosen to be the manager?
Was it because I'm the only AJKT present when Jo Han's explaining about the competition?
I should really ask Miss Wong for more ECA marks...

Talked about studies...
I can never study with complete focus.
Always thinking about some other things or person when I'm studying.
That's why I can never understand how those people study for 4 hours continuously.

5th April...
I'm counting down to this day.
This will be the day I take my driving test.
Can't wait for this day to come.
After that, I can drive to play badminton ^^
Haha...
For times like this, I really wish the time would fly faster...

Badminton~

Yeah, 3 hours of badminton today.
SHIOK!
Finally had a single match with Ben Chia.
He's a pro indeed.
Lost to him 19-21.
His smashes are fast.
A lot faster than Panda and Stef's smashes.
I wanna fight him again...

As for the double match, Naveen and me vs Panda and Stef.
We won 21-18, 22-24, 21-9.
Haha...
Don't know what happened to them during the last set.
Most of their shots are under net.
Well, who cares, as long as I'm the winner...
Haha.

I hope I can play with Da Jie and Xiao Qian faster.
They look pro...
Haha.

Chia, great match.
Let's play again next time.

Regrets...

I used to seek attention.
I wanted to be famous.
Now I'm not only famous, but infamous as well.
You can ask around... Who doesn't know me?
Especially that particular class.

I'm not really close to her before.
That hasn't change till now.
Even though I'm trying to get close to her right now...
It seems so hard.
They would've told her about my infamous deeds.
Getting a chance to talk to her would be hard, let alone getting close to her.

I've only lived in this world 17 years.
And I can't believe I actually have so many regrets already.

I regret that I never enjoy reading books.
Or my language would've been so much better.

I regret that I never tried to talk to other people and be friends with them because I'm shy.
Or else I wouldn't have been so lonely from time to time.

I regret that I never join a proper unit uniform.
Otherwise my ECA marks would've been very high.

I regret that I talk lots of craps.
Otherwise people wouldn't have find me irritating.

I regret that I believe in equality and treating everyone the same in certain ways.
Or else I wouldn't have made such a mistake.

I regret that I don't know how to talk.
Otherwise I wouldn't have lost so many friends.

"When taking a walk down memory lane, try not to trip over the regrets"
Said Elliot Westergaard.
But I already tripped.
It's so painful that it's hard to stand up again on my own...
Is there anyone that can help me up?