I'm Sorry...

This post is specially for her.

I'm sorry for wanting to talk to you every time.
Every night, I feel lonely.
No one understands me, no attention is turned to me.
I may be 17, but I'm still a kid.
I don't know how to deal with loneliness.
All I know is to talk to someone to get rid of the feeling of loneliness.

You're a good person.
I know I've disturbed you most of the time.
But you never said anything.
Maybe cause you don't want to hurt my feelings.
But it hurts even more when you're just ignoring me.
I will feel much better if you could tell me the truth.
Even scolding me is fine.
Just don't ignore me, please...

If you want to tell me "It's okay cause we're friends, don't think too much"
I'm sorry.
But I don't believe in that anymore.
It's not that I don't trust you.
Maybe it's like a phobia to me.
Cause someone said the exact same sentence to me before.
I believed that.
In the end, it's the same.
They hated me.
I know I was in the fault, but it still hurts.

All I ever wanted is a little attention.
Someone that let me feel that I'm needed in this world.
It'll be selfish to ask you to give me that.
If you don't want to, I don't blame you.
Just tell me frankly.
Don't just ignore me...
Please...

Ronald's Birthday

16th of April.
Special day...
Not for me, but for Ronald.
Happy Birthday Ronald~! ^^

Panda bought a 2kg cake for him.
Of course, we all paid for the cake.
It's a fruit cake.
What's special about the cake is the bottom part.
It has a thin layer of something like a mixture of peanut and sugar.
OMG~
That's nice.
Like most birthday parties, the last piece of cake is evil.
Yup... I'm sure all of you can imagine what happened.
We also bought a card for him.
All of us signed our names on that card.
He better not lose that card.
We'll kill him for sure...

Seeing them planned the whole thing for so long.
For a week...
I can see how special Ronald is in everyone's heart.
I can also see where's my place in their hearts.
There's no way I'm a match of Ronald.
The happier they are, the sadder I am.
I'm the extra ones.
The ones that's born with the sole purpose of wasting resources.
I feel so unneeded.

Stupid...

Why I just don't learn?
I'm still as naive as before.
I used to think that we know each others name, we talked before...
Therefore, we're friends.
That mentality still hasn't changed.
Which is why I think I'm very stupid.
Why I just don't learn from the past?
This mentality is the reason why I've lost so many friends.
Why can't I just grow up?
I'm still a stupid and naive kid.
Grow up, kid...
Grow up...

A Tragedy

Everyday, I on MSN.
And everyday, I see the contacts in my list...
I feel sad.
So many people in the list.
But not many I can actually talk to.
Some of them are always busy.
Don't know whether they're there or not.
Some of them are available.
But not replying.
Some of them are there.
But I don't trust them enough to tell them things I wanted to say.
Some of them...
We used to be friends.
But we're getting further and further away.
I no longer know them...

What the hell was I thinking?
Why the hell I even added them to my list?

Wasted...

Wasted whole week time reading accounts in English.
I could've use that time to do other things.
Like moral project.
Why is it a waste of time?
Cause...

This morning, I went to Sunway College for the accounting quest.
I went to Taman Daya to eat breakfast with my dad before going there.
I had prawn mee and milo.
That's a lot.
Usually before going to school, my breakfast is just a cup of milo.
Then I reached Sunway College at around 8.40am.
After registering... we went inside and wait.
It's quite big, not a bad campus.
After some time, the student ambassador lead us to the hall for the competition.
After the briefing, the competition started.
The moment I saw the questions...
'Damn, wasted my time studying that book.'
Most of the questions are about general knowledge.
About this organization, that organization.
No choice...
Just simply choose an answer for every question.

This is a busy year.
Joined quite some activities.
People are focusing on studies now.
But I keep joining activities.
Busy~
But no matter how busy I am, I'll always make some time for you.

Today...

WTH...
Most of the presidents went for choir.
So is my president.
Left me no choice but to conduct the meeting myself.
They're so not cooperative.
I shout till almost sore throat.
But now I've conducted a meeting.
I feel the sense of satisfaction.
I feel like a great leader...
Haha, just kidding.
Just doing what my best.
Still, my best is still not considered a great leader.

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H1N1 coming back.
Many people are falling sick.
Please take care of yourself.
You might not know, but there's always someone there who care for you.
Don't make that someone worry.

Untitled 8

This morning went to school to attend Majlis Anugerah Pelajar Cemerlang.
Yup, it's boring.
Nothing much to do till I actually went up the stage to take the prize.
The prize was rather interesting.
It's a bag with my name on it.
It's one of a kind.
Very special.
So I think it's kinda worth the wait.

Later in the afternoon I went to take my pre-test for driving.
I think it sucks.
Screwed up quite a bit.
Need more time to adapt to the new kancil.
Cause during lessons I'm using the old one.
The examiner says: "Be careful during the real test. You can barely pass..."
Zzz...
Sure hope during the real one things doesn't go like today.

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I feel a bit... sad...
(Not sure what others words to use. I'm not good with words)
The way my dad advises me...
I know he meant to help me, give me advices.
But the way he put it is like...
"WTF, something so simple you also can't get it?"
It seems that I've never done anything that reaches his expectations.

Parents are not only proud of their children because of their results.
I'll make you proud in my own way.
My own way...
Just wait and see.