Deep Thinker...

I've done many personality tests.
All the results are quite similar.
'Capricorn is a deep thinker.'
At the first sight...
Damn, that made me so cool.
That made me look so mature.
But I've realized that it's not always such a good thing to think.
Sometimes you'll start thinking something that you're not suppose to think too much.

I'm just that kind of person.
Think too much.
Something that is not suppose to think, I've thought about it too.
That made my life miserable.
I thought about people's reaction towards my action.
And most of the time, bad thoughts came out.
But the worst of all, those bad thoughts came true.

Lately I've thought about my recent actions.
Well, I have no one to blame but myself.
I'm not good with words.
Sometimes I say things that I'm not suppose to say.
I make fun of things, thinking that it's funny and should be able to make people laugh and happy.
But I never thought of other people's feelings.
I've offended quite some people because of that.
It's hard to save that friendship cause people just hate me so much.
I've slowly accepted this fact.
The fact that they're much happier when I don't exist in their lives.
I don't blame them.
As I've always said...
I make people happy even if I have to be the only one that is suffering.
I just want people around me to be happy.
I don't say that I'm very noble.
It's just that's what I like to do.

I have a lot of things that I wish to share with people.
There are also a lot of bad memories that I wish people could listen.
But that only make everyone unhappy.
Telling her these stuffs might let her know more about me.
But letting her know all the bad things I've thought about, I've done...
I rather have her treat me like a stranger.

I always think that I'm different from others.
I don't know whether is that true.
Does it make me special or strange?

My blog has many apologizing post.
Guess it doesn't harm to have another one.
I wish to apologize to everyone for everything I've said or I've done.
Hope all of you can forgive and kindly remind me if I ever make the same mistakes again unintentionally.
I'm sorry.